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Louis Catorze’s Feline Manifesto: A Candidate for Premier Ministre? – Liberté, égalité, chaternité

Do you vote in political elections?

We have a General Election within the UK, someday this 12 months. Or possibly early subsequent 12 months. Nobody actually is aware of. The authorities appear to be ready for a time when the general public begin liking them and … nicely … they’re nonetheless ready.

I’ve usually mentioned that the nation can be higher off run by cats. Yes, I do know that they’re full scoundrels. But we’re dominated by them anyway, albeit particular person ones quite than one most important one, so wouldn’t it make a substantial amount of distinction?

Even although he’s already a king, Louis Catorze thinks he would make a effective Premier Ministre. Here is only a small part of his manifesto, which is topic to vary on an ongoing foundation:

⁃ Defence: all cats shall have the correct to defend their territory from impinging beasts, but additionally reserve the correct to wander wherever they want.

⁃ Border management: see “Defence”.

⁃ Health: all cats shall obtain the perfect personal healthcare, and cash shall be no object. Meanwhile, even when a human is bleeding from the eyeballs, they shall not be capable of guide a medical appointment for not less than a month (and, on the day of the appointment, the bleeding shall cease). Parkour at 3am shall develop into obligatory.

⁃ Tax and spending: all people shall be taxed for the privilege of housing a cat, within the type of cost for the perfect medical care, the best meals and high-end feline equipment. The extra quite a few the cats, the better the tax. And the extra silly the human, the better the tax.

⁃ Education: all cats shall use thoughts management, creepy staring and emotional blackmail to instruct people. If this fails, it’s the human’s fault and the cat reserves the correct to resort to bodily means.

⁃ Policing and crime: it shall be towards the regulation to fail to present a cat what they need, and cats shall deploy sanctions as and after they see match. See “Education”.

⁃ Environment: all cats shall hold their territory in immaculate situation by pooping in different folks’s.

⁃ Pensions and welfare: as a cat ages, they shall have the correct to extend taxes indefinitely and with out prior discover, and people shall be accountable for this regardless of their very own monetary state of affairs. See “Tax and spending”.

⁃ Energy: all cats shall expend web zero through the day, however go completely stark raving mad at night time. See “Health”.

Would you vote for Catorze? If you’re already doing any of the above for a feline overlord, you definitely wouldn’t be worse off underneath a Catorzian authorities …

PS Any vote for the opposition, and any abstention from voting, will likely be considered a vote in favour of Catorze.

The physique language of a real chief.

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