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“Look up at me and you will see a god.”

Do you practise faith?

Well, now, allow us to rely the methods:

1. A selected chief, on this case a fanged, furry psychopath to whom I shall refer as FFS, has absolute authority with out accountability. (Yes, I do know that “psychopath” begins with a P and never with an S, nevertheless it nonetheless has the S sound. And, someway, I feel FFS is a really acceptable acronym for my cat, Louis Catorze.)

2. FFS is correct always.

3. FFS dictates all facets of our life in nice element, together with the components when we aren’t right here; if we absent ourselves, we have now to make sure that one other devotee is ready to take over our duties.

4. FFS requires shows of behaviour which outsiders would possibly discover deviant. Does this embody, erm, welcoming pilgrims from all world wide and making them signal a guide? (I’m not joking. This actually happens.)

5. Devotees are monitored to make sure that we’re following the foundations. This monitoring consists of screaming, creepy-staring and sleep deprivation, and generally we’re pressured to witness the ritual sacrifice of one other dwelling being as a well mannered reminder to not transgress.

6. Methods of management are used to make sure that devotees don’t go off-piste (see earlier level).

7. A membership price is required so as to stay within the good books of the FFS; in our case, that is free meals, free board, free medical care, and a standing order right into a financial savings account owned by the FFS.

8. Records exist which doc the nefarious methods of the FFS, together with his abuses of devotees. If you wish to perceive the extent of the complete horror, look here.

If you thought you led a secular life however discovered your self nodding alongside to a lot of the above, maybe you, too, are underneath the spell of a FFS (or not less than a FS)?

What do you imply, I’ve “simply described a cult and never a faith”? That would recommend that cats are narcissistic, controlling people who exploit our weaknesses …

Oh. Never thoughts.

I’ll conform to no matter he desires.

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